One sausage or two ? Diary of a secret shopper.

It’s just after ten in Herterich’s and I’m having my first glorious sip of the day – real whipped cream on top of my cappuccino (don’t tell my doctor!). I scour the Indo looking for news, there’s nothing too exciting, a threat of an ESB strike in the run up to the festive season (great timing)….and the highlight of the month – the Taoiseach himself was appearing in the corner in John Browne’s Bar.
Now what an evening that was….
Rumour has it that Inda himself paid a visit to Herterich’s Artisan Meats to bring home to D4 (where the other half live) some of Herterich’s home made scones to Fionnula and the clan. And there’s a great selection to choose from here. And he was here, I swear it – for wasn’t I there myself to witness the incident?
Yes, somehow he slipped under the radar, away from his ‘handlers’ and popped in under a trench coat (and it wasn’t even raining), accompanied by a very tall local Fine Gael TD with ginger topped hair (yes, you know the one I mean).
There I was relaxing and reading about the latest antics of Nigella Lawson and her throttling husband Charles Saatchi at the time, when they whisked past me…Ba (sorry…I mean, the tall ginger guy) giving me a familiar wave while Inda barely acknowledged me, for he had more on his mind – food that is. I looked away, nonplussed. I wasn’t offended though for I’m a Fianna Failer and Peter Kelly is my man….though at times I ‘transgress’ back to Fine Gael just to have the craic with Peggy.
Anyway back to Inda, he’s running his fingers through his hair and he and the tall ginger guy are staring at each other lovingly over the menu when they are interrupted by a busy Debbie, who to Inda’s horror, fails to recognise him! “What can I get you pet?” she queries politely, barely casting a glance in his direction. Ginger is embarrassed…this is the Taoiseach of the day for God’s sake! He gurgles like he’s going to be sick and says, “By the way waitress, this is Enda Kenny, our Taoiseach!”
“Ah howr’ya pet,” she answers back, “one sausage or two?” That must be a secret phrase between them, I think because at that point they share a moment and it’s lovely to see. (Or maybe I’ve just been reading too much ‘Fifty Shades of Gray’.)
Anyway after enjoying a scrumptious breakfast Inda personally compliments the chef and promises that the government will invest more money into the food industry, then he pops next door into the busy Herterich’s Artisan Meats store which is a blaze of activity. There are fresh vegetables on sale, a queue at the deli counter as lunchtime workers get their rolls and sandwiches to see them through the day and a full team of people are at work behind the counter on beef, lamb and pork which will feed families in Longford town - and further afield - later tonight.
The store is crowded as usual but tall ginger guy has had enough – “make way for the Taoiseach!” he hollers, and Inda sprints through and heads for the boxty section! There he arms himself with no less than eight scones made by Louis’ fair hands and in answer to tall ginger man’s look of astonishment he answers simply “I have hungry children to feed at home!”  I can hear his words from back in Sambos and I think cynically “Well how many times have we heard that from disgruntled people on the Joe Finnegan show and what has he ever done about it?”
Well, I’ll let him away will it this time…after all he did do his famous ‘punch’ in the air on the way out…the man thinks he’s Mike Tyson.
And he has got the best scones in town –he has good taste after all……..
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